So I stayed up till about 3 am last night, tired as hell but wishing I could stay up longer. I fell asleep with my light on and without brushing my teeth. Woke up at 7:30 am. Brushed and realized there was no way in hell I'd be sleeping till after 8:30 am (time of winner's call). I waited in bed with nervous stomach knots, but nothing happened. Once I think I almost hallucinated the start of a ring. But nothing. Had a bizarre dream in which the award went to someone that planned to only travel in the US. So I was like, you do realize she's not going abroad, and it says in the application for travel outside of the US and Canada? And they were like yeah, but we liked her application. But isn't that against the rules? We can change the rules. Yeah. Then I woke up. It was 10 am, still no call. At this point I gave up.

I was rather sad about it all until Dale and Miranda and I went to lunch. We were walking over and as soon as Miranda knew I hadn't been selected, she just said "You didn't get it?! Those fuckers!" Then I felt ten times better -- I'd been thinking of how I'd done something insufficiently, and her comment made me look at it differently ; )

Mum made me feel better too, sorry to continually quote you, but, I liked this:
Pink Poodledog: thank you mum :-)
Pink Poodledog: i'll try to perk up more, maybe I'll find something better to do this summer anyway!
SITA3783: yeah, anytime
SITA3783: I'm your mum. and I love ya
Pink Poodledog: hehe love you too
SITA3783: I'm a firm believer in when the time is right, it will come

So we're waiting for the right time, sometime in the future. As Dale says, I just wasn't meant to go in that way at this time. And something that brightens my day esp. when taken out of context:
SITA3783: Tim and I are going to Salem to pick up 500 gallons of apricot puree today
Pink Poodledog: oh my god
SITA3783: for skunk bait. we got it real cheap

This afternoon I took a nap and had a bizarre dream. First my neighbor Leah showed up, her nickname became "Gail." Uhm... I could see why Leah was in my dream (she has my delia's catalog), but why Gail? I only know one Gail, who's our neighbor... Yeah. Then Helen & I were roommates in this huge room that I guess was Jojo's... why we were like renting a huge room in a vacant house owned by MHC's president I have no idea, but, there you go. I was like, wow, this is a huge room, do you want to split it in half or share all of it? Helen: I was thinking to split it. Me: Yeah, that's cool... and we can put the fridges in the middle of the two spaces so if we get something out at night it won't wake up the other person. Helen: Yeah. And we were all happy. It was muy extrano. I can't figure out what that fridge dialogue even meant, but it's what I remember best. And then Jojo showed up with an assistant and I think we were like hiding or keeping out of the way...

Woke up when someone knocked at the door, apparently it wasn't Dale as she called me a bit later from the art studio. Still lazed around though. Then I got a call from Andrew and that motivated me to wake up finally. We're meeting up tomorrow, Dale's coming with me to encourage me to be myself from the start instead of being my usual silly nervous just-meeting-you self. Yay! Lindsey you'd be proud of me, as we're meeting for coffee =) I'm going to develop a taste for the stuff!

And now to address Merrers: I totally understand what Mr. DeBorde is trying to teach you, but if you got to Linfield it will NOT be like that... Here it's almost like high school in that the professors really are responsive to how we handle the work load and how much work is too much, and what sort of expectations are too high. And if no one in the class understood the directions and did something wrong, I think most of my professors would blame themselves for being unclear rather than the students for being lazy or something. Sure, be careful and follow your syllabus, but most things can be cleared up with a simple question in class. And again, big difference between U of O or OSU and Linfield or MHC...

Well, think I'll read a bit, then I'm going to get ready for Las Vegas Night! Dale, Miranda & I have sparkly dresses to wear!