amazing lines in lit criticism

"Even now, 30 years on, Highsmith's bold denouement makes one want to squeak like a lost baby whale joyfully rejoining its pod." -- Terry Castle writing for Slate

true story

Last night Helene & I took a long walk to 20th and Irving to see about a coat-rack for the hallway. On the way, as we were walking up Haight and had just passed three homeless men who called us beautiful, I suggested we maybe walk along Page so as to have the sidewalk to ourselves. Because, as I said, even though I have this fantasy that I'm going to meet someone while walking on a crowded street, it never happens -- and instead, I have to avoid tires thrown by street kids (also, true story -- and one of the street kids cleverly threw in "I bet you get men throwing rubbers at you in the street all the time"). SO. We walked down Page until we hit Golden Gate Park. We got the coat-rack, scouted out crowded restaurants to perhaps someday visit, and headed back to our neighborhood. We turned down back to Haight at Masonic -- and within a block -- a guy was trying to talk to us. I didn't get it, until Helene said something, and a random man on the street said "he wants you two to go to a party with him." OK. So we turn back, explain we were taking the air and picking up a coat-rack, and no, not going to any party at that moment. So we're walking away and Helene says she should have facilitated that better, because, after all, the dude was cute. SO HE COMES RUNNING AFTER US and gets our numbers.

The dramatic irony!

an analogy for life

so. I went out for a drink with a guy last night. and he told me about this study: apparently, tapeworms can actually help people with allergies. people have always gotten tapeworms and tried to fight them off. tapeworms have always retaliated and can suppress the immune system. then your immune system doesn't waste energy (or have the energy to waste) on fighting shit like dust mites and pollen.

the science, if you're interested: http://www.nytimes.com/2008/07/01/health/research/01prof.html

I'm kind of not that interested in the science. I think it's a great analogy for life.

TAPEWORM PHILOSOPHY
sometimes when you don't actually have anything to fight, you make up imaginary shit (ie, dust mites). better to have a real problem, in small doses (ie, tapeworms).

busy with the everydayness of it all?

how does this always happen??

life can be summed up, however --

I MOVED. I live with Helene and Kimon and Adam in a charming victorian with a backyard.

I read and write in the sunroom.

for valentine's day I went to steve's makeout party. I had a lovely time. then j. broke things off with me. I continue to date. but I run into j. whenever I walk by duboce park. THE BASSET HOUNDS PLAYING = WORTH IT.

for my birthday I had just what I wanted -- a dinner party. I made lasagna and ratatouille and a chocolate layer cake with vanilla AND chocolate buttercream frosting. then we danced to oldies.

a group of friends in the dept. started a reading group and it is marvelous. we critique and then we eat and socialize and drink wine.

what a WEEKEND

FRIDAY - Sushi w/ J. We ate seaweed salad & mackerel with bitter melon & homemade mochi & purple yam ice cream.

SATURDAY - A walk with Helene. A nap. Made dinner. Went to see the Sioux City Kid at On the Corner. Half-heartedly played scrabble. Made an appearance w/ H. at Kimon's friend's party. Hung out downstairs with the musicians. Sing along to Tangerine, Last Dance with Mary Jane. Warded off downstair neighbor's advances.

SUNDAY - Brunch with Garth & Helene. We had a 3-way involving corned beef hash, biscuits and gravy, sourdough french toast. Signed a lease with Helene & Kimon for an awesome apartment up at Haight and Divis.* Went to yoga. Ate the dinner H. had saved for me. Ate chocolate cake drizzled with heavy cream & condensed milk (chocolate tres leches? or dos leches?)



*I think my rent will be like 150-170 more per month, but we'll be living in A REAL VICTORIAN HOUSE! With all sorts of crazy period details. A huge kitchen with a PANTRY and a viking range and exposed brick. And a fucking SUN ROOM. And an amazing backyard with a deck. And we'll be going from sharing one common space with 6 people, to 2 separated spaces with 3 people; one fridge with 6, to one fridge with 3; 2 bathrooms with 6, to 2 bathrooms with 3. I am going to luxuriate in filling up the space. YES to awesome dinner parties, yoga in our sunroom, & room to store dry goods in JARS on REAL FUCKING SHELVES!

Housewarming plans tbd.

to yoga we go

I once said that, for a twenty-something woman in SF to say that she's into yoga, is wasted breath. Every twenty-something woman in SF is into yoga. Or at least says she is. Despite that observation, I went this past year without a yoga class. Last night changed this.

I went with Helene & Kimon & JBK to yoga flow, and now I get it. You enter from a side street in the Castro, and climb a wide set of stairs. As you sign in, you can hear the chanting inside, and you feel rushed to join in. A huge open room -- ballroom size -- is dimly lit by candlelight, heated to 86 degrees, and filled with yoga mats on the wood floors. The participants -- let's face it, mostly women -- sit facing the center of the room, chanting. Secular church?

I sweated like I haven't since I was in Singapore (where to walk during the afternoon is to soak through your clothes). But it was great. I love the narratives yoga gives you. Like, ok, I'm going to go through these poses pretending it's the only time i'm going to do them, knowing very well I'll have to repeat them an undisclosed number of times (only the instructor knows the number). Sometimes I'll choose to take the less challenging road because my thighs are trembling. Sometimes I'll feel like pushing myself because yes my arm DOES bend that way. Sometimes I'll hold a pose for the sake of the challenge.

This is all to say, it made me feel better about my dissertation. And dating.

life back at 410

Today I had a mini-crisis over applying for fellowships for next year. Then a reassuring phone conversation with Sarah. Then a productive early/late afternoon copying notes and writing the start to a draft of the Halifax chapter at Soleil.

And THEN I made beef stroganoff while listening to billie holiday. And then I ate dinner with Helene & we opened a bottle of bubbly rose wine. And THEN we made a storyboard to go with Anthropologie's latest, scantily-clad-model-populated catalog.

holidays

Had a great Oregon visit... I should have kept track of comings & goings. But I do remember:

- Two quiet days at home with just Mum & Tim.
- Mer's arrival with Brian, Sunny, and the gerbils.
- Our kids' night out in Hood River with Joe -- from the British pub to the brew pub.
- Sister time in Portland, at Powell's and the Pearl Bakery, while Brian took the GRE's.
- Dinner at Celilo.
- A walk in the leftover slush up the old logging road, with Brian & Mer.
- A walk up the old highway with Dad, Mer, & Sunny. We came across a little waterfall that looked like somewhere in Ireland, a setting for elves and unicorns. Then Sunny met up with another dog & played with vigor. We noticed the redness of the fallen leaves. We returned as the sun was completely setting, and Christmas lights were going on across the river in Washington.
- Christmas eve at Maribeth & Robin's.
- Christmas morning -- waking up to the Nutcracker Suite blasting in the living room, as Mum tried to get us out for presents. Presents! Then getting ready and dressed for Christmas dinner with Grammy.
- Dinner at the Inn, overlooking the Columbia.
- Impromptu family reunion with Mom's cousin. Gouda the English bulldog & the cat-like Japanese Chin.
- A snowy hike with Mum & Mer up Gilhouly.
- Working at Dog River Coffee, then getting pizza with Mum & Mer & exploring bookstores.
- Lazy mornings, reading by the fire & drinking coffee.
- A last moonlit walk with Merrie & Sunny -- the moon was so bright we didn't need a flashlight, and the trees even had shadows.

prepping for a holly jolly christmas

Tonight Merrie & her boyfriend, Brian, arrive. With Sunny the sheltie & two gerbils in tow. Wondering what it will be like to add these creatures to the current mix -- Mum, Tim, me, Sasquatch the cat, and Benny the luck dragon dog. I arrived Weds. night, and Mum & Tim both had trouble sleeping. So last night, the dog and the cat ended up on MY bed. Funny story, that. Benny was quite fine, sitting by the fire in the living room, until he suddenly realized that, with me going to bed, HE WAS ALL ALOOOOOONNNNEEEE. CRISIS! He started barking. I came out, gave him a soft kick (not an oxymoron), shushed him, went back to my room & Sasquatch the cat. Benny started barking AGAIN. Well, not wanting him to wake up the parents, I took him into my room. But instead of curling up on the floor, he looked up at me, expectantly. I whispered that he had radically misunderstood the conditions upon which he was invited into my room. LEAPS onto the bed, which is rather high for a 10" high creature. Well, at that point, Sasquatch moved to the foot of the bed. Benny tried to wiggle up closer, but I halted him and said, BOUNDARIES. All was fine for the first four hours. Then Benny's periodic maneuvering and licking noises got to me and he was evicted.

Oh, pets.

why I hate shopping for phones

Kid you not, this is the description for ATT's LG Neon:

Looking for a fun and flirty texting device that will get you noticed? Get ready for the LG NEON(TM) by AT&T! This compact and colorful phone lets you stay connected to your social circle wherever you go. Dial quickly using the external touch screen or slide out the full QWERTY keyboard for fast and easy messaging. Use Bluetooth® capabilities to share contacts, calendar events, notes, and more with all your friends. And, to really stand out in the crowd, groove to songs from your favorite playlists while multitasking. Taking pictures or video with the 2 MP camera is also a snap. Capture your latest look with the self-portrait mirror, then send out the photos to show off your trendsetting style. Go on - get accessorized and get attention with the LG NEON.

If you were wondering, YES, this is definitely being marketed to 14 year old girls. I JUST WANT TO BE ABLE TO TEXT WITHOUT HITTING THROUGH FOUR LETTERS EVERY TIME I NEED A Z!

last days on the equator

productive workshops all day in class (well, after the xeroxing was done, during which interval we played "fuzzy wuzzy likes" and "around the world in 80 days"). commenting on stories via email in the afternoon. best butter chicken ever at a totally deserted indian restaurant. man at toast box anticipated my order: I've ordered the same thing around the same time in the evening enough times that he's got it -- kopi with milk, take away. he said he'd see me tomorrow. the other part of my routine is making eye contact with the ridiculously cute guy who waits at the same bus stop in the morning. might miss these things.

singapore, again

Writing because my camera = NOT WORKING (a story for another time -- how not to lend your camera to a guy you're sleeping with for the hell of it and have no emotional/ intellectual interest in, because the camera MIGHT NOT WORK when it comes back to you. Also, he might forget to return the cord to upload the photos. Actually, this might be more about not sleeping with people you have no interest in, more than a lesson about a camera). ANYWAYS.

I'm a bit homesick. Last time Marissa and I were doing this together, and I felt pretty good about the timing of it all. This time around, I'm anxiously anticipating the colloquium that's happening a week after I return (actually, have no time to be anxious about it, which makes me more anxious). And today (Singapore time) I missed Randy's birthday party which was last night (SF time). I had that terrible feeling -- urgently wishing to be elsewhere (more specifically, that I was dancing and hot tubbing with friends on a Saturday night, rather than taking a nap in Singapore on a Sunday afternoon.

Solution?

Shopping trip.

In my defense, tho., Kenji (fellow instructor) & I DID go to the Asian Civilizations Museum in the morning. And then to try a kaya toast stall.

I walked by the old places, went to the favorite clothing store, found a fantastic dress & top (the latter being 25% off with purchase of former), did a little Christmas shopping, explored the new ION mall (as in, EYES ON ORCHARD), which really DOES have a nice food court. I had scoffed that they were all the same, but this one really was particularly sparkly. I had a cheap dinner tho., of glutinous rice & fresh spring rolls, which I carried back and ate on the terrace of the hotel. And then I did some work, went swimming, had dessert... I guess it was ok.

But the teaching takes so much out of one. And I think I should have done a better job of explaining the syllabus so as to have the afternoon = study hall writing time, with a set-up activity each day. The students are delightful young people, of course, but jeez. Draining.

Last night I went with Kenji and his TA for Chinese food at Clarke Quay on the river. I think my stomach was not entirely happy with the spiciness factor. But the river at night and the "mer-lion" fountain... nice.

And before... I've gone back to Little India, out for Indonesian & Thai, marveled over the dainties imported from Fauchon in Paris...

The most ridiculously amazing things for me right now:

ORCHARD ROAD AT CHRISTMAS TIME: It's like Seuss threw up all over Orchard Road. There are big yellow globes with red patterns hanging from the trees. ALL the trees. And at close intervals, swirly arches with red inlaid circles. AND ALL OF THIS LIGHTS UP AT NIGHT. Oh yes, because the first night I went down Orchard at dusk, and thought, well, it's over the top, but I'm pleasantly surprised that they didn't add lights. MOMENTS LATER: LIGHTS ON! Also, tree sculptures. And actual trees (or fake trees) decked out in ornaments and lights. AND CHRISTMAS MUSIC. Everywhere. And when it's not Christmas music, it's Miley Cyrus or soft rock hits from the 90's.

THE SUBTERRANEAN POOL: This hotel has a pool. The pool is underground. This is supposed to make it so you can swim regardless of the weather. Singaporeans apparently didn't get the memo that it's always hot here? Or didn't want to deal with the occasional 20-minute bout of rain? Anyways, turns out, they then realized the water wasn't warm enough, since the pool was inside, and inside = air conditioning, here. So the pool is heated. And surrounded by fake foliage and rocks, to make it look like a lost paradise starring Leo DiCaprio. The jacuzzi is tastefully obscured by a fake rock wall. Oh, and there's a little waterfall going into the jacuzzi. The kid pool involves a slide. The ceiling has blue sky with clouds painted on. In other words: they did everything they could to help you pretend that this pool is outside, while claiming that an outside pool would be quite inconvenient.

That may or may not be an analogy.

OCTOBER, WHERE DID YOU GO?

1) Mer & Brian's visit: Excellent SF introduction. We went to Hardly Strictly, out in the Mission for Pakwan and Bi-rite ice cream, Tartine for brunch, Ocean Beach for sights... Then it was sadly already time to say goodbye. Mer is too adorable. Especially when she climbs into bed with you in the morning to chat.

2) Hardly Strictly w/ the roommates, Steve, Irena. Best moment: listening to Neko Case's I Wish I Was the Moon from Steve's shoulders. Then we had dinner and impromptu dance lessons back at 410.

3) Roommate dinner with Steve: this involved baby octopus, too many mussels, and too much crab. We blamed it on Steve. Who was surprisingly good at managing a kitchen full of people, food, and tasks. Kimon said he's be a good manager, if he was into that sort of thing.

4) Mysterious cough. Let's not talk about it. Now my ribs hurt, probably from the ridiculous, not-the-aftereffect-of-a-virus cough. I reject the doctor's prognosis that I'm developing asthma.

5) An amazing 4 days of activity. Weds -- Standing room at the opera, only $10, and we saw a great production of Salome! Pizza and beer w/ Helene, Garth, Nikil, Shannon, Allie, Irena... Thurs -- Hemlock for beer, The Don'ts, and Steve trying to set me up with a guy who looked catatonic and was living out of his car on Haight. But he *was* cute. Helene called a stop to it when she saw him rummaging in ash trays for cigarette butts. Probably a good call. Fri. -- welcome party/dance party. As Steve said, I was the first to start dancing, and the last to stop. As he *also* said, I dance the same to every song, only when I know the lyrics, I point. Good times. Slept over at Randy and Emilie's, got brunch in the morning. Nicknamed Steve "Emma." Sat. -- dinner party with Jill, Danny & Sarah, and Kevin, which turned into Kevin's surprise 30th birthday. With our homemade karaoke machine. ALSO good times. Sunday I had major recuperating, in the form of shopping and thinking about Halloween costumes.

6) Buying an overpriced sexy Marie Antoinette costume. Steve talked me into it. And when else will this opportunity ever arise?!

7) Roommate shopping trip to Rainbow. The line? 45 minute wait. Home for tasting, sampling, pickling...

ALSO: colloquium = Dec. 3rd. teaching in Singapore = nov. 8th - 24th.

Rome, Florence, Paris

And back again to the bay area. It was lovely, but I think for now I'm leaving the journal notes where they are -- in the books that I was reading along the way (namely, Goethe's Werther, Baldwin's Giovanni's Room, and Zola's Belly of Paris). Maybe I'll transcribe them on some cold, rainy November day.

Back home & trying to be more serious this year. Also cooking and baking a lot. A week ago we had an impromptu dinner party in honor of Garth's birthday, where we made roasted patty pan squash and chickpeas, yummy goat cheese and fig crostini, roasted cauliflower, and walnut and apple salad (with the new favorite 410 dressing: maple syrup and mustard, equal parts). The next night Steve hosted a dinner party in Berkeley, where the menu was fried eggplant with tomato-mint chutney and yogurt. Sorbet and fruit for dessert. And the NEXT night, we had an apartment dinner, with an eclectic mix of pear-sherry-vinegar salad, brie and pate and bread, corn pudding, and oatmeal chocolate chip cookies. Then I had to run to the Blitzen Trapper concert, where I was "taken under the wing" of four tall guys. One of whom is named Will, and sporadically texts me. Recipes follow.

squash and chickpeas: easy!
http://chocolateandzucchini.com/archives/2009/08/roasted_patty_pan_squash_and_herbed_chickpeas.php#more

really easy if you chicken out and put the pudding in ramikins rather than in the bowls of the squash:
http://www.101cookbooks.com/archives/roasted-corn-pudding-in-acorn-squash-recipe.html

clearly I switched out the raisins in favor of chocolate:
http://smittenkitchen.com/2009/02/thick-chewy-oatmeal-raisin-cookies/

The other day I made my usual wheat bread. And then these amazing brownies:
http://www.seriouseats.com/recipes/2009/09/adult-brownie-chocolate-salt-coffee-andronicos-supermarket-san-francisco-recipe.html

And tonight I made this soup, but decided to skip the premade broth. It didn't suffer for it. Now I have tons of soup. Mer, help eat soup!!
http://www.101cookbooks.com/archives/green-soup-with-ginger-recipe.html

I'm all ready for Mer's arrival. I have all sorts of California fruits -- persimmons, a pomegranate, figs -- and fennel salami and pink pearl apples and homemade bread in the freezer and jam and frozen cookie dough and leftover brownies...

after two hours in dolores park, drinking wine

I feel like angel hair pasta with olive oil and parmesan.

ice cream

by the container.

that's what people do, right? cure-all?

dinner conversation

Last night Steve & I made dinner for our dinner party with Helene. We were in the kitchen for hours. We made: ceviche with avocados and tortillas, spicy-cilantro chickpeas with patty pan squash, agua fresca out of a cantaloupe, and, for dessert, a tart that Steve said would give me Iron Chef cred. Almond essence in the tart dough, a blueberry compote with vanilla bean & spices, a layer of frangipane, topped with fruit.

This afternoon I sat in the park with Jill drinking tea. Then we made a Korean inspired dinner. And talked.

Concluded -- There are some things that lose all their appeal when you have to ask for them.

today's food

I made:

- plain rolls and rosemary-olive rolls

- potato salad

- rhubarb cobbler, and two smaller blackberry cobblers

in preparation for the picnic tomorrow!

not pregnant, just tipsy

After a night of:

- making pizza from scratch (both dough and marinara sauce!)

- vanilla gelato with rhubarb compote

- drinks with helene and ben's friends

- dancing

I ate:

- leftover pizza

- homemade pickles and pickled carrots

- peanut m&m's

(in that order)

summertime

The last few weeks have been an adventure. From befuddled revisions that seemed to be going nowhere, to feeling tres-productive teaching middle schoolers through Stanford's summer gifted youth program. I felt teacherly. I liked having an audience. I got good student evaluations. It made me feel better about the fact that my own research and writing needs plenty of work.

The social life wasn't so bad, either. Urban adventures with friends and roommates. Symphony in the park. Walk on the beach. Trivia night with a new team. Nice dinners with Steve and Helene (in Berkeley) and with Vincent and Helene (celebrating ends of projects). Spending time with Vincent, our roommate, before he went back to Paris. Wondering how 410 Steiner will change, as these past 6 months have been an amazing experience for me in group living. And last night was our last "family dinner" together, which was, as usual, great fun.

Hoping that the next adventures will be as lovely --